Gameweek 16 will be defined in history as ‘The Harry Kane’ week. When you look at the first seven names in the list of GW 16 top scorers, only one player had more than 2.9% ownership. That man indeed is Harry Kane. While not being the top scorer of the week, he is the hero of the week for those who kept believing, denied all naysayers, showed true devotion at the altar of Harry and were rewarded for their faith. To continue the biblical theme, if you had Kane, you were able…to get green arrows.
The actual top scorer of the week is an old friend of the FantasyYIRMA Review Column, namely Heung-Min Son, who scored a goal, provided two assists and snaffled three Bonus Points for a haul of 16. Regular readers (there’s a good chance I’m talking to myself here…) will know that we did a full biography of the South Korean star a few months back. I also note that one of the other top scorers this week is a man who hasn’t featured since GW 1; a man who conned MILLIONS of us into jumping on board his particularly unreliable bandwagon after GW 1 – welcome back to the party Mr. Steve Mounie, with two goals and 3 bonus points. If I were you I’d be jumping on Mounie in GW 31 after his now customary 15 Gameweek slump is out of his system.
Those of you familiar with my ‘quirky’ sense of humour (careful now…) will be glad to know that I have noted the fact that the above paragraph features a South Korean and a man called Mounie. There’s a joke about cults and marriage in there, but it’s getting close to Christmas and I just don’t have the time…Make up your own and tweet them to @FantasyYIRMA. He’ll be only delighted to read them.
The next man on our winners podium this week is Jermaine Defoe, or J-Dog as he’s know to…err…me. It’s been a spectacularly quiet season for the ex-West Ham / Bournemouth / Spurs / Portsmouth / Spurs (again) / Toronto / Spurs (again) / Sunderland / Bournemouth (again) legend. They say his nickname is ‘Boomerang’. However with 2 goals, 3 bonus points and a passable impression of Marco Van Basten circa 1988, his name should be changed from ‘Defoe’ to ‘Defriend’ for those who picked him.
Dwight Gayle is a man who seems to be finally settling into Premier League life with 3 goals in his last 5 GW’s, in spite of the fact that he’s had about three goes at Premier League Striking life already. However his goal/assist and 3 BP’s were in vain as Leicester City ran out winners in the most un-Rafa-Benitez-like game you can imagine (apart from that one in Turkey that hardly ever gets mentioned).
Scott Arfield visited Robbie Brady in the hospital just before his knee surgery, to wish his teammate well in his long journey back to fitness. He then took his place in the team, scored a goal, pocketed three BP’s and then went and slept with Robbie’s wife. Well, three of those four things are statistical facts. Robbie Brady probably just feels like the other one happened.
Our final man to be lauded this week is perhaps the most apt name possible at this time of year, when we are all wondering whether we’ve made the nice list or the naughty list. This Huddersfield midfielder is used to lists. Indeed, well played Christopher Schindler on his 11 point haul and his first double digit score of the season. He’s definitely on the nice list today.
Now we move onto those who top the naughty list just at the wrong time of year. First up we have a player who was showered in rose petals in GW’s 12 & 13 when he accrued a staggering 22 points, but his fall from grace has been swift, much to the chagrin of those who really wanted to spice up their life and placed their faith in Zeegelaar. A red card and -2 score means he has now scored a grand total of -1 for GW’s 14,15 & 16. Quite the collapse I’m sure you’ll agree.
Another player wondering what he can do with a lump of coal on Christmas Day is Ayoze Perez, the Newcastle United striker who scored -1 this week and who now has 1 goal and 1 own goal to his credit this season, despite featuring in almost every GW this season. Ouch. At least he still has that assist in GW3 against West Ham to boast about, right?
Finally we have the biggest Villain of the week (and possibly the season so far, thanks to his cock-sure look-at-me braggadocio shenanigans at Selhurst Park) in Christian Benteke. I was always taught that Christians were supposed to share and look out for each other, but this particular Christian decided that he wanted all the glory and adulation of winning what could prove to be a crucial bottom of the table 6-pointer come next May. So he grabbed the ball off Luka Milivojevic (presumably just shouting ‘Luka’ rather than his full name, understandably), waddled up to sidefoot the ball straight at Begovic and grab a draw from the jaws of a crucial victory. Marvellous. I’d have paid good money to watch the dressing down Roy Hodgson delivered to Benteke, presumably while stood on a step-ladder with security lurking in the background. Have you ever seen an owl when it’s mad?
Rant of a Rebel 