This Will Be Our Year…And Here’s How…

Stoke City v Liverpool: 

Brendan Rodgers is in defiant mood as he takes his refreshed, young and character-laden team to The Brittania to avenge the 6-1 mauling they suffered at the hands of the Potters on the last day of the 2014/15 season.

Liverpool start wonderfully with 2 goals inside the first 4 minutes for Danny Ings, both set up by James Milner, flourishing in his new false-right-wing-back-false-central-midfield-false-ten position, a role envisioned by Rodgers and the idea of which proved to be the key to Milner joining the mighty reds.

They think I'm boring, but I'm covering 3 positions on this team...and I'm bang average at all of them
Seriously lads, where’s Stevie Gerrard?

A third goal for LFC in the 23rd minute by Raheem Sterling, the new captain of the crack Anfield outfit and who Brendan Rodgers describs as ‘the new improved and more modern Moral GPS System’, looks to have put the game to bed and gifted Brendan Rodgers the perfect start to the biggest season of his career.

Astonishingly, Liverpool continue to pour forward in search of more goals, and concede three themselves before half-time courtesy of goals from Adam, Shaqiri and Bojan. Firmino gets a lot of criticism for his roles in the goals, playing in his new false-right-centre-back role

Stoke run out 5-3 winners, a result warmly welcomed by Brendan as he lauded the ‘character’ of his troops, in between licking his luxuriant white teeth between each *slurp* word *slurp* he *slurp* uttered *slurp* in the post-game interview.

I got my teeth done again this summer...just look at them.
I got my teeth done again this summer…just look at them.

Brendan went on to explain that he’s very proud of his team, his teeth, his new girlfriend, his ex-wife, his secondary school maths teacher, and his pet goldfish. The real reason for the defeat was the pressure they had put themselves under last May when losing 6-1. The need to chase goals in this second leg to make back the deficit meant that they would always be vulnerable to the counter-attack.

When the point was made to Brendan that this was not the second-leg of a cup-tie, he proceeded to sweat profusely and proclaimed that in fact every single match this season will be the ‘second-leg’ of his ‘grand plan’ to restore LFC to the top of English football.

Why can't the rest of the world see my genius? I AM SO SICK OF DEALING WITH IDIOTS
I forgot to pick up bread and milk…

When the point was made to Brendan that this was his THIRD season with Liverpool, Brendan said that the first season didn’t count as he had ‘inherited those characterless charlatans’, and that’s why his ‘Judge me in 3 years’ comment doesn’t actually count until NEXT August.

John W Henry sends a curious tweet in the hours after the result, simply saying ‘Guess what I’m smoking now…’

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