With no points to show for their efforts yet this season, Brendan states that he is 117% happy with the progress of his side, 138% happy with his new signings and 169% sure that Liverpool will start winning soon. Rachel Riley rolls her eyes and calls him a twat. Rodgers decides that following his Man of the Match performance at home to Bournemouth, James Milner will keep his place in goal. 100% of LFC fans actually agree with the decision. Alex Bogdan keeps his place on the bench to satisfy the new UEFA ‘ginger quotient’.
Arsenal start strongly and take the lead when Alexis Sanchez taps home after Olivier Giroud forces James Milner into a bizarre quadruple-save. The Frenchman has four efforts from 2 yards, with the Frenchman somehow failing to actually get the ball into the goal. Skrtel is seen appealing for offside to the wrong assistant referee, while Lovren is seen picking his nose and examining the booger. Sanchez gets booked for his troubles as replays showed that he had kicked Giroud in the balls to stop him repeatedly missing, before going on to stroke the ball home. Giroud is credited with the first assist in Fantasy Football history that is awarded negative points.
Arsenal continue to dominate for the rest of the match. Giroud breaks all Opta Stats records by hitting the post 27 times, Milner saves 28 shots on target and Brendan Rodgers is sent to the stands after blinding Kieran Gibbs by smiling at him as he was about to take a throw-in.
Despite the dominance of Arsenal, Liverpool snatch an unexpected and thoroughly undeserved win when Danny Ings scores two late goals (his 6th and 7th in 3 matches). Firstly he taps home after Christian Benteke hits the bar with a 2 yard effort, and then weaves his way past nine Arsenal players before dinking the ball over Peter Cech for the winner in the 17th minute of injury-time. He’s booked for his celebration after whipping the cap off Peter Cech, finding out that Cech is bald, and pointing and laughing at him for a full 90 seconds. Cech runs from the pitch, goes into immediate hiding, and is ruled out for 9 months with ‘acute embarrassment’
Post-match, Brendan Rodgers lauds his sides ‘tremendous luck’, ‘tremendous witchcraft’ and ‘tremendous voodoo’ that brought about their first three points of the season.