Ho Ho Holy Crap I’m dreading this match. Liverpool host the Premier League leaders, Leicester City, at Anfield on Boxing Day, as Herr Klopp looks to get his side roasting foxes on an Anfield fire (relax RSPCA, it’s an analogy), rather than leaving him red faced and less than jolly.
For the past few matches Liverpool have been gifting teams goals and points through a combination of nightmare (before Christmas) defending, and scrooge-like attacking threat. On the other hand Leicester City have been sleighing everyone before them, ensuring that everybody is tipping them for the title….oh yes they are…oh yes they are…(if you haven’t been saying ‘oh no we’re not’ there, you’ve ruined Christmas for yourself).
Liverpool will ‘welcome back’ Simon Mignolet (stop groaning), who will replace Adam ‘Bloody hell he’s even worse’ Bogdan. They also have Dejan Lovren back in training and in contention to replace Martin ‘Skittery’ Skrtel who is due to be missing for a number of weeks due to post-traumatic stress disorder after his 40 minute ordeal at Vicarage Road. Should the game come too early for Lovren then Kolo ‘Ho Ho’ Toure will deputise.
Rumours are swirling around Anfield about a youth team player who could make the bench on Saturday who is showing lots of promise. Young S. Gerrard is said to have been penciled into the squad by Klopp who has been impressed by his ability in training in recent weeks.
Roberto ‘Doner (Kebab)’ Firmino and Adam ‘Prancer’ Lallana are under pressure to keep their places following less than impressive showings last time out. Divock Origi and Christian Benteke are on standby to lead the line. James ‘Milly’ Milner remains sidelined through injury.
Leicester City will be relying on more Christmas magic from Mahrez, as well as the firepower of Jamie ‘Vixen’ Vardy, who actually wrote ‘leave shit, get banged’ on his letter to Santa. Santa was going to put him on the naughty list until his elves pointed out that if you’re the top scorer in the Premier League these days you can be worse than Donald Trump and still be lauded as a hero.
The vast majority of LIverpool and Leicester fans will have asked for 3 points on Boxing Day, but unless Santa can change the laws of Association Football, only one set of fans can have their Christmas wish come true. However should Santa manage to arrange for both sides to get 3 points, I’m officially asking him here for € 50,000,000, a yacht, a Liverpool season ticket and Kelly Brooks phone number.