Liverpool v Chelsea: Premier League: LFC Player Ratings

Simon Mignolet Yellow

Simon Mignolet:


Once more into the breach dear friend.

What do you expect when Adam ‘Oh Christ No’ Bogdan is sat on the bench? Another impressive display from Simon as he repelled a number of Chelsea shots with the minimum of fuss, and was only beaten by his Belgian teammate when the team decided that tackling was deemed to be too ‘Hazard-ous’.

I’ve said too much.


Nathaniel Clyne

Nathaniel Clyne:


Whenever Patsy got himself into a promising situation last night, he seemed to need to stop and remind himself what the purpose of his life was, before remembering he played for Liverpool, looking up to fire in a cross, only to discover that his dilly-dallying had allowed Chelsea to get set for the cross.

Apart from that, he was alright. Damned with faint praise indeed.


Dejan Lovren

Dejan Lovren:


Credit where credit is due…

When Hazard decided to run over half of Anfield, skipping past red shirts with impunity, he was forced to shoot when Dejan Lovren refused to get out of his way, unlike all his teammates.

Of course he didn’t really tackle him, or block the shot, but at least he didn’t move aside.



Kolo Toure



The exuberance of youth < The exuberance of KOLO

As his teammates toiled on a balmy Anfield night, their minds clearly drifting towards Switzerland, KOLO took it upon himself to try and rescue the situation. He made a number of storming runs forward, ball at his feet, breezing past blue shirts as if they weren’t there…until he got to the final third, when he remembered he really didn’t know what to do next.

At least he tried.


Alberto Moreno

Alberto Moreno: 


Of all the players on the pitch guilty of taking their eye off the ball last night, Bertie could be forgiven – he’s going to be playing against his old team in the final of a tournament he won with them. Remember when he bawled his eyes out at the end of the final two years ago?

Yet he wasn’t the worst culprit as his pace helped him to scamper back and thwart numerous dangerous Chelsea breaks as LFC pushed for an equaliser.

Good hustle.


James Milner: 


Following a number of stirring displays in recent weeks, last night James Milner took a step backwards, although he certainly wasn’t alone.

Missing was the incisive passing, the Duracell Bunny impression and the world class corner kicks. Indeed he was one of the players who had TWO chances to get a tackle in on Hazard in the lead up to the goal.

Attempt 1 – Lazy leg wafted out and avoided with ease. Unsuccessful.

Attempt 2 – A good, long, hard stare at the ball, perhaps trying to do a ‘Uri Geller’ on it and move it with mind control? Unsuccessful.

However if we’re successful next Wednesday night, will we really care?

Really? Go on, be honest.


Emre Can

Emre Can:


A classic example of a player returning from injury, having a stormer in their first game back carried by the adrenaline and then crashing….crashing hard.

Last Thursday, the football was an extension of Emre’s foot.

Last night, the football was a weird orb from outer space that he’d never seen before in his life.

Better he got that display out of the way now than next Wednesday night.

Did you know there’s a big match next Wednesday? I may not have mentioned it….


Adam Lallana

Adam Lallana: 


Lay off the Nivea Adam.

As you attempted to tackle Eden Hazard in the build up to his goal, you got body to body contact, but he ‘slipped’ away from you remarkably easily.

Seriously, have a bath in sand instead, aye?


 Philippe Coutinho

Philippe Coutinho: 


Dearest Philippe,

I sincerely hope you’re saving up something big for Wednesday night.

I have every faith in you.

Love you



Roberto Firmino

Roberto Firmino:


This is England Bobby.

If an opponent is making a dangerous surging run towards your area, and you’re the nearest man to make a tackle, then make sure you make that tackle and kick him up the arse very hard. If you learn that when running the other way on a football field, you’ll do fine.


Daniel Sturridge

Daniel Sturridge:


Worked hard, perhaps too hard….

As Chelsea managed to stifle the Liverpool midfield, Daniel Sturridge took it upon himself to drop very deep and/or very wide to get on the ball. Now I’m not going to criticise that, it shows hunger and desire. However…

Daniel is at his very best when on the shoulder of the last defender, ready to pounce on even a half-chance. He can’t do that 60 yards from goal or in Row A of the Centenary Stand.

Get in the box lad. Do your thing there.



Joe Allen Jesus Christ

The Lord Joe: 


Yet another miracle to add to the now bulging collection of Joe Allen Miracles (DVD & Book due out soon).

As Liverpool were careering towards an inevitable damp squib finale to their home league campaign, Joe rose from the dead bench to inspire his teammates to one final surge.

“Lo and behold, the bearded dragon shall rise to slay the blue hordes recently abandoned by the evil Terry” (Genesis 4:18 – seriously, it really predicts that in the Bible, look it up)

Thus, it came to pass.

If I were Kenedy, I’d be a very worried mortal right now….

N/A – I refuse to rate a God lest he smite me with his vengance

Benteke Vitality

Christian Benteke:

He came on. He ran around a bit. He earned obscene amounts of money.





Seyi Ojo

Sheyi Ojo: 

Introduced very late, but still had time to do more than most managed all match.

Almost equalised at the far post after The Lord Joe conjured up another miraculous cross, and then whipped in a beautiful cross of his own that flummoxed Begovic and smacked Benteke on the bonce.

1 goal and 4 assists in about 7 appearances this season. A young John Barnes.


Jurgen Klopp Unhappy

Manager: Jurgen Klopp: 


What a week in prospect Jurgen…

Option A: Europa League Glory. Champions League Place. £40,000,000 extra in the transfer kitty. Agents of the elite ringing YOU rather than the other way around.

Option B: Europa League Agony. 8th Place in the Premier League. No European Football next season. Agents blocking your number.

No pressure mein freund….



Note: If you enjoy the guff on this blog, you can find me on Twitter (@NiallHawthorne). I’m also regularly contributing to Finally I’m a co-host for the best weekly Premier League Podcast in the whole world – @ByTheMinEPL Podcast, which can be found on the website. If you’ve read this far, pat yourself on the back.


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