Bournemouth 4-3 Liverpool: The Ranting Rebel Ratings


Loris Karius:


I’m not sure if you follow Loris Karius on his social media channels, but believe me when I tell you that the boy likes to have his picture taken. Sure why wouldn’t he? Look at him! He’s sickeningly good-looking and if the old football doesn’t work out I’m sure he’ll be strutting on a catwalk in Paris or Milan in no time.

After this afternoon though the only photograph I want to see of Loris ‘Fandango’ Karius is a f*cking mugshot on a ‘WANTED’ poster. He should be charged with:

  • FRAUD – Impersonating a goalkeeper
  • GRAND LARCENY – Robbing Simon Mignolet of a place in the team
  • MURDER – The willful killing of Liverpool’s chances at the Vitality Stadium.

Klopp is already making supportive noises of his chosen No. 1, and I’m sure he believes that Karius will improve, but if so he’d better start improving bloody quickly. He made ONE good save in the second half, conceded 4 goals and fluked another save. Shambles.


Nathaniel Clyne

Nathaniel Clyne:


An outstanding right back at the peak of his powers.

Following the performance of young Trent Alexander-Arnold in midweek, Pasty knows that if he falls below his usual standards there’s a replacement waiting in the wings. Thankfully he’s showing that in his performances. He showed true dynamism going forward today and I’m sure he even threw in a stepover or two for good measure.

There’s a reason that when the Bournemouth siege did materialise it all came down the left side of Liverpool, well away from Clyne. That’s a mark of respect for the best right back in the league.


Dejan Lovren

Dejan Lovren:



I hate it when I’m prescient, but unfortunately I am. Regularly. Just last weekend I wrote the following for Dejan’s review:

Here we have a man who is absolutely flourishing alongside a central defensive partner that suits him down to the ground.

Dejan can now play his own game, free in the knowledge that when/if he ‘does a Dejan’, there’s Billy (Joel) Matip alongside him to make it all better instantly. As a result Dejan is actually making less errors, is growing in confidence and his decision making is improving all the time.

Lo and behold, take Joel Matip out of the equation and Dejan doesn’t just ‘do a Dejan’, he hits ‘peak Dejan’ and all hell breaks loose. Add to this equation the fact that he was playing on the left-side of defence, alongside a fullback who’s not actually a fullback and you can see why Eddie Howe targeted that flank in the second half when he had nothing to lose.

It’s not uncommon for a central defensive partnership to have a leader/follower dynamic. However when the ‘leader’ is absent, you either replace him with another ‘leader’ or you’re probably best off to replace the ‘follower’ as well. Lucas is not a ‘leader’, but more of that later…

I’ve also heard that Alec Baldwin and Saturday Night Live are dropping their ‘Trump’ skit and doing one on Lovren next week. Well, they’ve had huge success lampooning a bumbling buffoon recently….





The selection of Lucas at centre back has worked well over the last 12 months or so since Klopp decided that the Brazilian stalwart could plug a Sakho-sized hole in the Liverpool squad. However just because something has worked well a few times doesn’t mean that it will work well forever, and today could be the day that the ‘Lucase Centre Back’ experiment died a death.

The fact that Ragnar Klavan was on the bench watching the unfolding debacle was a source of great frustration for me. Admittedly the Estonian hasn’t set the world alight during his limited chances in the first team this season (Burnley away springs to mind), but he does have over 130 caps for his country.

Yes, I know Estonia are shite (no offence to my Estonian readers – yes, I do have Estonian readers), but that’s exactly why Klavan would have been ideal today. He knows what it’s like to play in a crap defence alongside liabilities who haven’t a clue what they’re doing (I’m not naming any names except to say that his surname begins with L. And ends with ovren).

Who better to try and steady a ship that’s under bombardment than a man who’s had over 130 attempts at it before? Lucas clearly didn’t have a clue what was happening while Lovren was causing the chaos.

I could keep going on about the issues at the heart of the Liverpool defence but Christmas is coming, I have sod all done for it, and if I really get into it I’ll still be typing on Boxing Day.



James Milner: 


James Milner is from ‘oop North’.

Playing away at Bournemouth is so far south that the poor lad got confused and thought he was on his holidays. That’s why he was late in the tackle to concede the penalty – he was locked on 6 cans of Stella.

On a serious note, Milner has excelled thus far this season in a position that he is learning from scratch, but today Eddie Howe showed the world how he could be exposed – PACE. Get Milner overloaded on the left and faced with pace and you have him on toast.

Here’s a thought. Patsy Clyne has played left back before, quite effectively. Trent Alexander-Arnold looks fantastic at right back….

I’ll just leave that thought right there….


Emre Can

Emre Can: 


Emre had a day that was more up and down than a Kardashians knickers.

A super assist for Mane followed by a thunderous finish for the third goal. So far, so good.

However for large parts of the game he was anonymous, and when the sh*t truly hit the fan, he was nowhere to be seen. For the last 20 minutes of the game today, Liverpool were truly under the cosh. Bournemouth were coming forward in waves, and Liverpool needed someone to fight fire with fire and to get stuck in. Surely this is where Emre should have excelled, but alas he was as wide-eyed and shell-shocked as everyone else.

I’m not saying he was worse than the rest, but when you’re seen as the gaffers favoured on-pitch lieutenant, there’s an expectation that you will rally the troops and at the very least throw yourself on the grenade. Emre didn’t so much throw himself on the grenade as he tried to control it and passed it straight to a Bournemouth player.



Jordan Henderson

Jordan Henderson:


A typically busy Hendo performance which highlighted his range of passing, his energy and his movement.

When the going got tough, he tried to get going. My only real criticism of Hendo is that late in the second half, following a save by Karius (well, the ball hit him and went behind for a corner), he approached the keeper to give him a motivating ‘chest-bump’.

He should have f*cking chinned him.



Geordie Wine Gum:


Prominent and impressive in the first half, playing in an advanced role and helped the team to a 0-2 lead at the break.

Anonymous in the second half, playing deeper, and nowhere near as effective.

Was it a tactical tweak by Klopp? Can seemed to be further forward in the second half…maybe Klopp just flipped them? Do they take turns in the advanced/sitting roles?

I wish I had answers to these questions, but I’ve called each member of the squad repeatedly since the full-time whistle, but nobody is answering.

Chicken sh*ts.


 Divock Origi

Divock Origi: 


Three goals in three games, the first player this season to achieve such a feat, and remember that the first of those games he started on the bench.

His finish for his goal was nothing short of sensational. It produced one of those rare yet exhilarating moments when time stands still, complete silence descends, and everything moves in slow motion. The two seconds it took for the ball to leave his boot before it eventually hit the back of the net was the closest thing to a ‘Matrix’ moment I’ve ever experienced. Magic.

Desperately unlucky not to notch a fourth Liverpool goal late in the second half with an instinctive control, turn and volley which flew just over.

BUT…that miss in the first ten minutes was so bad that at the time I felt it would always come back to haunt us. Misses like that normally do in the Premier League. Admittedly at 2-0 and 3-1 up I thought I was wrong, but I forgot that I’m never wrong. Ever. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.



Roberto Firmino

Last week I wrote the following during my review of Bobby Firmino:


I have one concern however…

The ‘chemistry’ between Coutinho and Firmino is undeniable. They’re brothers in arms both for Liverpool and Brazil and they’ve formed an extremely powerful connection and bond. Now one of them is very, very sick, and I think I’ve seen how this plays out…

Elliot ET.jpg

I hate it when I’m right.

The performance of Firmino today was so bad it’s not that Coutinho is sick and therefore so is Firmino, it’s more like somebody took Coutinho out back and shot him in the head…

The worst performance by Firmino in a Liverpool shirt by a long, long way.


Sadio Mane.jpg

Sadio Mané:


Played about an hour. Scored one. Made one. When he went off everything we touched turned to goals…for Bournemouth.

Influential? No. He’s bloody essential. Of course he limped off injured…

Cross everything. Pray to whatever God you believe in….



Adam Lallana

Adam Lallana:

The last time Adam Lallana was in Bournemouth he was spotted at a ‘Gentleman’s Club’, and he then missed a number of games with a groin injury.

That’s what you call a good night out.

Good to have him back but he tends to take a couple of games to get back in the groove.



Manager: Jurgen Klopp: 


Oh Jurgen. Jurgen, Jurgen, Jurgen.

Over the last few weeks you’ve challenged those that claimed that your defence is dodgy. You’ve made it very clear that Mamadou Sakho is for sale in January. You’ve solidly given your backing to Loris Karius as your Number 1.

Now the questions are going to come, and not just from the ‘media’, but from anyone who cares about Liverpool Football Club. We all believed that days like this were behind us, the days where our defence capitulated under even modest pressure, but here we are again.

You’ve done many things right, but there’s work to do and questions to be answered. Without Matip, what’s Plan B? Or Plan C ? (if today was Plan B, scrap it). Should Sakho definitely be sold? Are you SURE about Karius?

15 games unbeaten, third in the table and in the semi-final of the League Cup. It’s been a stunning start to the season, but as Mike Tyson once said ‘Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the head’. Today we were punched in the head repeatedly. Lets hope your plan still works.


Note: If you enjoy the guff on this blog, you can find me on Twitter (@NiallHawthorne) or on Facebook ( If you would like to pay me to write like this, please do get in touch.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s